The fediverse is small, and thats both a blessing and a curse - one of its several blessings is that in a smaller space we all individually have a bigger impact on what the culture of this space is like.
On this comm (and on lemmy broadly) there’s a lot of discussion about how to grow the fediverse, what to improve, but an easy thing you can do for the fediverse is right in front of us-
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Be kind
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Ask people what they think, and why
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Approach folks you disagree with with curiosity rather than hostility (EDIT: no, this is not specifically referring to Nazis. I get it, they’re the first thing that comes to mind. I’m not telling you to approve of Nazis I’m just saying be kind to your fellow lemmites)
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Engage sincerely
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Ask yourself if there’s something nice you can say
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Make this small space worth being in
A platform lives or dies by what’s available on said platform and often we have this conversation in the context of “content” or posts - and we may never have as much content as reddit does. But content and posts aren’t the only thing this kind of platform offers- it also offers people. It offers community, and human interaction.
Culture and community is lemmy and the fediverse’s biggest differentiator, and we all have a role to play in shaping the culture of this space.
The biggest thing you can do to help the fediverse is make it a place worth being.
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Here are some more specific examples to think about!
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Compliment people’s art and ask about their process
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Teach people about something you’re knowledgeable on
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Give constructive criticism on peoples projects when it’s welcome
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Thank people for posting things you’re glad you got to see, tell them you enjoyed it
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Tell people you’re glad they’re here
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Tell people you hope they have a good day
Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts :) if you have thoughts of your own, I’d love to hear them!
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One my favorite ways to summarize this kind of thinking is with the Bill & Ted quote “Be Excellent To Each Other, and Party On Dudes” (mostly the first half applies to this post though). The part that applies to this post, Keanu Reeves said he interprets as follows:
I think that the sentiment of it is really just be the best person, the best human being you can be, and if you do that, then you can party on and live life to the fullest, but you’re gonna be safe… You’re going to be supported, you’re going to get the gift of giving, you’re going to get the gift of receiving, you’re going to get to the gift of sharing. We’re all just some humans on a rock in space, and so it’s kinda nice to kind of promote that idea of ‘give a little, get a lot’, kind of bring it in for a group hug."
Fuck yeah! I wasn’t familiar with that quote, that’s lovely! Thank you for sharing :)
Getting better at communication takes time and practice. Depending on where someone is in that journey, a post like this can make a big difference. And I think we can all use a reminder to be kind every so often. So, thanks for taking the time to write this out
It does! Small changes over time can add up to incredible people skills and the ability to win hearts and minds ❤️
Thank you so much for the kind words my friend, I hope you have a lovely day!
If I’m in a toxic mood, I go to reddit.
Based
Lmao, that’s honestly kinda hilarious to me
I notice tons and tons of hostility in comments. And I think it’s from people jumping to the worst possible conclusion.
I knew that would happen, but you’re not wrong 😅
As I’ve alluded to, there’s a lot of justifiable anger about the state of the world, and you can see that hurt reflected in people’s immediate response. The feelings driving that “conclusion jumping” valid and understandable, even if I don’t think it’s productive
There is no easy way to cope with fascism on your doorstep, or taking over your home and threatening to throw you out of it :(
Originally I listed all the extra examples/suggestions I put in my comment in the actual post itself, but I have a bad habit of making things way too long so I moved all the smaller more specific things to the comment. I think maybe it would have been more clear I’m not saying you should approve of Nazis had they still been in the post.
Yeah but have you thought how that makes you a Nazi
I see you around a lot, and you’re consistently doing exactly this. I really respect that.
Thank you very much, I do my best :)
By the way I love your username lol. Take care!
Thats absolutely horrifying, thank you. 😂
This place is becoming very Reddit, if you post anything that deviates from someone’s beliefs they call you names and insult your intelligence. So many people can’t have a debate or discussion without jumping to personal attacks and hate. It’s really disheartening. I love political debate but there’s no such thing anymore, only name calling
Its definitely rough, I can understand why. I live in the US and as a queer person whose loved ones are almost all minorities the outlook is feeling pretty bleak, but its definitely frustrating that it feels like even slightly different left wing ideas, or thoughts on what we do about our problems can spawn flamewars.
Literally with people you’re in the exact same camp with :/ I’m also big on political debate, I think democracy can’t function unless people can discuss with eachother what problems we have and what we think we should do about them. (And yes, I know we increasingly may not have much of democracy here in the US. I still think my statement is true of how democracy functions in general)
I think it’s really valuable to learn how people arive at worldviews other than mine.
Honestly I’d expect nothing less. Almost everyone here is a Reddit refuge. We’d need a solid balance of different internet groups to not feel like Reddit. Tumblr, 4chan, Instagram, Twitch chat… for better or worse all have a very different feel from one another.
The thing in this post about curiosity isn’t just a lemmy/online thing.
The vast majority of people are mainly interested in themselves. Like - if you have trouble on dates, making friends, getting along at work, anything to do with people in general - approaching them with a sense of sincere curiosity will completely change things overnight.
Get people to talk about themselves, be supportive in your discussions with them, and shut the fuck up wherever possible and suddenly you’re interesting, a good person, kind, whatever - traits you’ve done exactly fuck all to demonstrate, but that people will swear are true because you seem interested in them.
It’s fucking bonkers but it’s true. Curiosity can change your world.
“Be curious, not judgemental.” - Ted Lasso (via Walt Whitman)
Active listening is a powerful skill!
I disagree, yes being kind is very important but even more important is people engaging and upvoting comments.
Reddit was great because of what happened in the comment section, not the headliners, and I see very little voting engagement even in active posts.
Remember, it’s free to do and it encourages others to engage as well. But yea be kind too
Highly upvoted comments like “Elon Musk should commit suicide” or “X group of people are all mentally retarded” or even popular posts themselves make me feel uncomfortable.
It feels toxic like X. Or what Voat (an older Reddit clone, albeit not a federated one) turned into. So much of y’all upvoting posts like that, normalizing it, does not make me want to stick around, as that culture of hate will only get worse.
It may not do much depending on the mods/admins, but it never hurts to report and downvote comments or posts like that.
Emphasis on reporting there, as I think sometimes that stuff lingers around because people have made a habit of only downvoting and blocking those doing that regularly. I realize in your examples it’s more likely bias or bigotry respectively, but still.
Report first, then downvote and block. Doing only the latter only makes your experience a little better, the former may help the community.
I do report them, but some communities seem to encourage it and leave it up.
I guess I can block the community, but it’s still affecting the “Lemmy culture” at large…
I can definitely understand that. I think in a lot of ways that problem is driven by how much of a political echo chamber lemmy is. Any time there’s a narower range of beliefs I feel like you can see those beliefs getting more extreme, or expressed in more extreme and toxic ways.
I honestly don’t really know how to improve it given the state of the world. It feels like the range of political beliefs keeps getting compressed into two groups and it makes it harder and harder to tolerate the beliefs of those further from yourself. And for valid reasons.
And the more justified the contempt for people of other political views gets the harder it gets to figure out how, culturally, we manage the justified anger that comes from how deeply broken everything is.
Elon musk is doing actual literal Nazi salutes and peoples anger about that is justified. And at the same time I’m not sure what way of acting on that anger (and acting on the problem) yields anything other than radializing people teetering on the edge of extremism.
I’m glad I don’t really see actual Nazis on lemmy. Its nice that there’s less debate about the legitimacy of people’s humanity.
And at the same time anger is deeply toxic to healthy interaction and drives behaviors that I genuinely don’t think make the problems prompting people’s anger any better.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts candidly, a lot of this thread is a love-fest and that’s wonderful and puts a smile on my face, but it’s at least as important to talk about the unhealthy aspects of the fediverse’s culture
Yeah don’t get me wrong, I love Lemmy. But I don’t like, well, that sort of thing. Or straight up disinformation being posted along the lines of that vitriol. It makes me worry about the Fediverse, as that culture only goes one place, and I feel like we shouldn’t stick our heads in the sand and only talk about the love if the culture is getting radicalized to an extreme.
Great comment
OP simply asks people to be kind, People proceed to tear each other apart…
OP now knows how Jesus felt 🤣
i gotta lead by example. I gotta lead by example. Lead By Example. IM GONNA LEAD BY EXAMPLE 🥲🙃
we’re doin our best out here lol. But that’s what it takes! There is no perfect, no “I literally never make mistakes” or “never let my frustration dictate shitty behaviour when compassion would yield the outcome I want”
You gotta decide you care more about what’s effective than how good it feels to act on your anger, and then you gotta do your best :)
That’ll do it
I arrived at LEMMY after what I think we very optimistically called the Reddit Collapse. We wish. And I had toe in LEMMY and a few others at Reddit.
Recently with their abusively patronizing redesigning and gamification and just ugly bullshit, I can’t stomach Reddit at all. So LEMMY grows increasingly important, not just to me but to folks who haven’t yet even heard of it.
So, I’ll just say thanks for your post here. I have, I confess, engaged with a couple bullies on LEMMY and I always try to say… I don’t like to do this on LEMMY— and I say that precisely for the reasons you mention.
And as you encourage: I will try to be kinder, even in when feeling… hmm… less than kind.
Thank you for considering my thoughts ❤️. I think when our anger is justified and we are feeling less than kind is when kindness can have the biggest potential impact, and is most worth being proud of.
Undeserved compassion is a powerful thing. But I don’t think that means you can’t confront bullies and tell them their treatment of other people is unwelcome here. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive :)
Unless you’re a republican or other type of nazi. Then you can absolutely go all the way to hell.
Tolerance got us here.
Generalizing is a logical fallacy. Not all Republicans are Nazis.
Some are rotten. Some are good people that just got duped.
It’s not black and white.
Nope. They’ve had plenty of time to see the results of their actions. They’re complicit at this point.
That’s the part that I still can’t wrap my head around. We know it will be shameless shilling and nepotism along with stochastic terrorism and still vote for it anyway? Wtf
Its easy to forget they live in a fundamentally different reality shaped by a buble of media. We all do, but conservative media kinda feels like an alternative universe.
When confronted with the world we live in they reject it as unrealistic because it differs too much from the facts they’ve accepted about the world.
My grandpa is a trump voter and I do my best to still talk to him. At an individual scale he’s a kind, sincere man who has always been welcoming of my queerness and tries to understand me. It’s very painful trying to discuss things with him even though it stays a kind interaction when I lead with kindness. It requires a lot of cognitive dissonance, but he lives in a fundamentally different reality than I do and I honestly don’t know what I can do about it :(
That’s the dangerous thing about fascism. Decent people buy into it. Become complicit or enable it. It wouldn’t be a real threat if they didn’t. But it engineers a reality for people to believe in, and lo and behold, they do. And cruelty ensues :(
I can empathize with your anger but I do think it’s easy to forget just how much propaganda can shape peoples world views and idea of reality. It’s used so heavily because it works :(
Regardless, I’m not trying to start a fight, I can appreciate having no more tolerance for the increasing cruelty of the state of the world. Take care ❤️
There’s a story I heard recently that has really stuck with me. It happened in the Sobibor Extermination Camp during WW2. Basically the camp was structured so that captured Jews would be selected to be Kapos. A Kapo was a disciplinarian that kept the rest of the Jews in line, usually with a whip. A lot of the times the Kapo would repeat Nazi propaganda because the Nazi guards were watching too. The rest of the Jews could understand their predicament. But there was one Kapo named Berliner, nicknamed because he was born in Berlin. The rest of the Jews hated Berliner because he truly bought into the propaganda. Imagine, a Jew… in an extermination camp… talking about how Hitler was a misunderstood savior of the Jews right before he started beating his fellow Jews to keep them in line.
It’s no surprise that Berliner’s end comes in the form of a lynching by the rest of the Jews he was keeping in line.
Thank you very much for sharing, I expect that story will stick with me too.
Nope. There’s really hasn’t been. A lot of them are waking up. You’re being divisive. And that’s not what the country needs.
I am being clear. This debate is over.
I’m being clear as well. If you want to be hostile to the whole group that’s your personal choice. I’m going to express the reality of the situation though. Bye.
If you’ve been getting duped for 50 years, then maybe you’re just too stupid to vote. People with a bit of a plant in their pocket have been disenfranchised for a lot less
Perhaps. However. on the other side I think of this quote. “Poor people have been voting democrat for 50 years, and they’re still poor…”
MAGA wasn’t formed until 2016, the party was much different before Trump. But who cares I guess. It seems people just want to hate the other side here. Which is no better than them.
Before that was the tea party loons, before that was the airbrushed WMD photos, before that was McCarthyism…
When the other side is always fascist, the answer is always FUCK OFF NAZI PUNKS
(Maybe people wouldn’t hate the “other side” if it wasn’t straight up 4th reich on paper 🤷)
I’m just going to ask you a question. Do you think Mitt Romney was a fascist?
Completely right OP, and this is worth repeating as MUCH as possible. More than almost any UX or intake changes, Fediverse will only grow if their experience of the community is good.
Unfortunately, some people have never caught a vibe in their life and it shows lol. A single person with a bad attitude can completely tank your experience in a small community, versus a 20,000 person subreddit where usernames are basically indistinguishable.
some people have never caught a vibe in their life and it shows
Lmao 😂
And yeah, we actually have tangible evidence to support that idea Erin kissane has done a lot of incredible research work on how to effectively design the fediverse and support people in navigating it and one of the earlier things she did was interview people who left Mastodon after having bad experiences and collate that data-
A lot of people’s reasons is that when they joined they were met with hostility. It plays a huge role in people’s experiences here, and even just from a purely pragmatic perspective it’s REALLY important
Hey thanks, I appreciate your post :)
Thank you! 🥰
Hope you have a good day!
