Looking for the chart of Most Slammed Presidents Since 1952.

I don’t think we wrested Florida from the jaws of the deep. I think the deep left it on our doorstep and ditched. We’re stuck with it unless we can pawn it off on the moon or something.

My Russian is rusty, but here’s a rough translation: “We invaded Ukraine and have had our asses kicked thoroughly and dramatically, but we would still like to win and take a bunch of their territory.”

I might have missed a conjugation or two.

But they said AFTER shitting their pants, so really we’re just hoping two drug-addled fuckheads very reasonably shit themselves before dying so there’s insult added to injury.

“Thoughts and prayers!”

“Uh we’d like some more thoughts, please.”

“Well we’re OUT of thoughts! We only had three bits and we didn’t expect such a rush.”

“So my choice is ‘and prayers’? I’ll have the chicken then, please.”

Good thing there’s a decades old, federally-funded space agency—oh wait.

It’s a race. By the time he dies, will you still be able to afford a trip to shit on his grave?

For what it’s worth, you can’t tell people their paychecks are getting bigger when they aren’t. Biden presided over a “great economy” but wages stagnated and buying power decreased. Trump is going to Strangelove-ride this economy into a pit so deep it’ll be hard to convince people that everything is roses.

The separatists have launched a blistering attack against the loyalists, SLAMMING several of their sound bites in response to last night’s tactical DRAGGING of their policies. Experts fear this conflict may escalate to BLASTING, but separatist negotiators have confidence an accord can be reached where both parties simply continue to grow disgustingly rich and powerful by exploiting the ignorance and inherent oligarchic weakness of the lower and middle classes.