You make an excellent case for mentorship in all this. Thank you for that. Upon reading all this, it never dawned on me that was even how anyone navigated poly.

But it also seems to be a crucible for learning how to negotiating needs and figuring out how to talk about it openly with each other to build connection - and that process both requires and builds respect for your partners.

I can say, with confidence, that even if one completely fails to leave the hypothetical realm with their monogamous partner, the thought-exercise alone carries some of these benefits. Polyamory forces the need to do some hard work, but there’s no need to actually go there when hypothetical scenarios are just as provocative. In fact, it might even function on some level for platonic relationships, where sharing time with others is a concern.

At first, it uncovers things like jealousy, envy, and co-dependence. So you hit the books - all the poly literature out there lays out how to navigate these common issues. For the rest there’s psychotherapy, which is probably needed to grow as individuals, since all those toxic behaviors are usually rooted in trauma. From there one can become stronger, and hopefully so does their relationship(s).

And poly guys aren’t going to meltdown. They are ok with a no, they are emotionally braced for that and have been through worse feelings already. And they have other relationships to fall back on.

This never occurred to me. Thank you for this invaluable insight.