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Romantic relationships aren’t the solution and seems to me like far left guys are more susceptible to the problem than conservatives.
Communist in a happy and stable relationship reporting in.
Slowly being radicalized liberal (possibly leftist) here reporting in from a happy and stable relationship
Fuck it then, lets create a world were nobody has any sex
Noone will feel bad about being a virgin if literally everyone is a fucking virgin
Yeah that worked well for the Catholic church, let’s do that
Did anyone rise think this was about folks who use a paid version of Linux?
What do you MEAN ‘dnf’ stands for “do not fuck”???
Red hat is a paid Linux distribution
Right, which uses DNF to install software
I mean I’m a Catholic so we aren’t allowed to do that anyway unless you are trying to have kids.
Meanwhile, all the progressive poly guys I know who have figured out how to deeply respect women have more partners than they really have time for. And quite a few of them are not “good looking” by any conventional standard (though some are).
How many progressive poly guys do you know?
I’m aro/ace and not dating, but my circle of friends is progressive and most have become poly over the last 5 years.
So I’m acquainted with probably +25 poly guys, most of whom skew progressive (but there are a few who lean more libertarian in there too, and a couple anarchists), and am good enough friends with probably 5 progressive poly guys to have a good sense what they have learned, how they treat their partners, and what their partners find appealing.
To be fair, to me polyamory looks like an insane amount of effort for the payoff - bc I am not interested in even one relationship let alone the intense effort of managing multiple. But from what I have seen, successfully being poly means learning a ton about boundaries, communication, and maintaining respect because all parties constantly have to manage jealousy and limited attention each of their partners. If you don’t respect one partner - poof!! – that relationship is over. And your other partners will likely hear about it, in detail, from both sides and litigate it bc they have a stake both in you and in being someone with you. It is a ton of drama.
But it also seems to be a crucible for learning how to negotiating needs and figuring out how to talk about it openly with each other to build connection - and that process both requires and builds respect for your partners.
Like I said, the guys I know who have stuck with it and learned the necessary people skills now have the problem of having too much interest. Including one friend who had terrible luck dating before and who I worried was on the verge of becoming an incel. Then he dated one of my first friends who was poly, and she kind of taught him in no uncertain terms how this works. Between that and his next poly girlfriend, I watched him become someone who is deeply considerate of his partners and is also confident about his boundaries and what he can offer. He’s got like 4 relationships going on, 2 of which are long term.
And again - the biggest change I saw in him was that he stopped seeing the women he wanted to date as games to win or challenges to overcome, and stopped carrying the frustration and shame that comes with the ‘failure’ to ‘score’. He still looks at women with clear desire, but that desire doesn’t make him feel like he has to be manipulative or play games.
I don’t know how to explain it except that he has a respect for the women he courts that most single guys do not. Maybe it’s that he has less to fear from rejection, so he doesn’t have to mentally dehumanize women as a coping mechanism. And this is a feature I see in most poly men, and have seen emerge in men as they fall into poly.
Actually - I’m going to ponder the ‘able to respect women more bc they have less to fear from rejection’ idea more, personally.
That alone may be a big part of their appeal, because a lot of the threat that women have to navigate when being courted is how to safely disengage if a promising flirtation turns sour. There is a lot more enthusiasm to explore or move fast when you are free to say no without fear of a possibly violent meltdown.
And poly guys aren’t going to meltdown. They are ok with a no, they are emotionally braced for that and have been through worse feelings already. And they have other relationships to fall back on.
You make an excellent case for mentorship in all this. Thank you for that. Upon reading all this, it never dawned on me that was even how anyone navigated poly.
But it also seems to be a crucible for learning how to negotiating needs and figuring out how to talk about it openly with each other to build connection - and that process both requires and builds respect for your partners.
I can say, with confidence, that even if one completely fails to leave the hypothetical realm with their monogamous partner, the thought-exercise alone carries some of these benefits. Polyamory forces the need to do some hard work, but there’s no need to actually go there when hypothetical scenarios are just as provocative. In fact, it might even function on some level for platonic relationships, where sharing time with others is a concern.
At first, it uncovers things like jealousy, envy, and co-dependence. So you hit the books - all the poly literature out there lays out how to navigate these common issues. For the rest there’s psychotherapy, which is probably needed to grow as individuals, since all those toxic behaviors are usually rooted in trauma. From there one can become stronger, and hopefully so does their relationship(s).
And poly guys aren’t going to meltdown. They are ok with a no, they are emotionally braced for that and have been through worse feelings already. And they have other relationships to fall back on.
This never occurred to me. Thank you for this invaluable insight.
a lot of those kinda guys i knew were assholes when it came to women. like especially when you talked to them about a past ex they’d go into a rant about how they were such a bitch or whatever and how crazy she was. tbh i don’t trust any man that loves pretty words but doesn’t follow through on them in their actions.
point is the whole “good guys get pussy” thing is just world fallacy. plenty of assholes that get pussy exist.
like one youtubers i used to follow, there are someone for everyone. even killers/serial killers have a partner of some sort, despite knowing that they are murderers. not good looking, but have a very fun or attractive personality. the common thing that steers people away, is being broke(although not always the case), hygiene and dressing well seems to be a major one.
men with pets often gets attention too, it makes you look less creepy and more of a normal person and a potential parent.(thats why there are so many thirst traps of men(although they are already attractive) pet animal videos, like with the dodo.
That’s how I found my wife. She was very impressed with my love and care for the last living dodo, which I keep safe from extinction solely for selfish purposes.
What brand of safe do you keep the dodo in? I have a thylacine that dashes for the door whenever I come and go.
In this case a cage made of the coldest iron, same as I use for my wife.
Do you keep your wife in cage? That’s smart.
his wife is the dodo
Thank you!
After her first three failed attempts to escape from my estate, I realized something had to be done.
And, well, she already liked the dodo and I already had the cage, Bob’s your uncle, problem solved!
dodo the youtube channel.
Pardon, but it smacks of weird defensiveness that you feel the need to bring up that serial killers often have intimate partners as some kind of counterpoint to the fact that men who figure out how to respect women’s boundaries are highly sought as partners.
Serial killers likely find partners by being manipulative and playing mind games - ie, being psychopaths.
Clearly the evidence that men who respect women have major success fostering reliable and enjoyable relationships with them is somehow highly threatening to a lot of guys.
Something has to immediately be said that instead says “but not respecting women also works.” Followed by crude red pill thinking - “And aren’t all women dumb bc some seem to like danger? And also, women are superficial, so pretend to like a puppy bc that works a lot.”
I know media has taught men that masculinity is basically defined by being able to disrespect women and think of them as winnable objects but –
Mentally healthy women aren’t falling for that shit. And you guys hate the baggage that the traumatized ones have who are insecure enough fall for that crap.
You could give up the machismo to try… respect and growing into someone who could be happy?
Red hat = no cat, no cap
Male loneliness epidemic doesn’t have anything to do with being single or not 🤦
Why do you think they join extremist male organizations? It ain’t to get laid.
That being said, if me being single is a byproduct of women collectively saying “fuck this conservative male bullshit,” by all means keep at it. I’m much happier with them not reproducing.
The right wing routinely try to co-opt terminology and twist it to their uses. You’ve fallen for this again by assuming every mention of a term is actually the twisted propoganda version.
So, wait I’m really confused.
The twisted propaganda term is used for men not getting laid.
The actual problem is men having a distinct lack of social support.
I must not understand this meme then.
Not getting laid might be part of the issue. People want to vent
It’s not. It’s actual loneliness. Not having regular social activities, not having support systems in place for their frustrations. Not being close to family, not having anyone to help them when they get sick. Plenty of lonely people are getting laid, but they still lack all that support.
No sexual activity as part of lack of normal and healthy social life is part of loneliness. Lack of intimacy and closeness is pretty bad to people.
Yes I’m not arguing that. But it’s only one aspect. There are more criteria to it.
Otherwise it seems as though people are arguing it’s inevitable that single men will remain single - and more men will isolate, and choose between suicide and radicalization. This is not true if the remaining social support is in place.
I understand this. I really do. I’m having just as hard of a time getting any dates as anyone else. I’m sexually and romantically frustrated as all hell. I understand the draw of the manosphere. But the disease that is spreading isnt because of the lack of that sex or romance.
yeah…but…there is NO world or timeline, right or left, where this people are getting laid.
i cant really realistically help people achieve the fucking impossible
cat companionCommand 'cat' not foundThat gives me anxiety on a few levels.
oh god they’ve borked their install. If busybox isnt safe, who is?
The busybox is a busy box because a cat is busy in the box
Command 'cat' not foundThe fuck kinda system you running
Red Hat = No Cat
Oooooh, that joke went right over my head hah
Probably ssh into a container.
You can find cat in most containers
I wonder if IBM sees any downtick on their redhat sales because of this association.
…there are people who can can give birth, people who cannot, those that “chose” to highlight the difference bringe forth “all” gender norms…fuck you…fuck you…fuck you…some humans can give birth, others can’t…fuck you…
A good chunk of these dudes are closeted self-hating homosexuals projecting and lashing out so they aren’t even TRULY motivated by lacking “a woman” except in which how much it frustrates them that they can’t feel an attachment toward these people whom they have been told are the trophy awarded for their hardships. Which is delusional and stupid of course.
Obviously it’s not a bad thing that they’re gay; it sucks that they hate themselves and feel motivated to balance it by pretending that those aspects of themselves which they hate are things for which they hate others harder. If they didn’t hate so much, maybe they’d have a shot at being happy.
Oh well. They live in a hell of their own creation. Serves them right.
human beings have self-segregated into male/female as opposed to humans that can birth and humans that can’t…it seems that is where the issue lies…
What does this even mean?
Somebody can’t tell the difference between their own identity and which identities the humanity as a whole needs. Probably.
…i thought my words were clear and indicative, what part do you not understand?..
edit: spelling
I can’t tell whether you’re being tautologically absurd or whether you believe there’s some important distinction there that you’re just not sharing with us.
i still don’t get what you don’t understand? human beings have moved well beyond the need for male/female, yet here we are instead of dealing with human beings as a whole, and some can produce babies and some cannot, the fact that we even talk about it moves the human being beyond animalistic or even biologic. Men did this to themselves by continuing to be ‘men’ and not just being human…clearer?
Whilst I admire your desire to desire to remove the barriers between people there are still differences between the sexes, both biological and socially enforced (by both men and women).
Men did this to themselves by continuing to be ‘men’ and not just being human…clearer?
For someone who claims to want to treat people as ‘humans’ instead of men and women, that’s a pretty hypocritical statement to make. Men are supposedly bad for not transcending their ‘male’ group identitity and becoming gender-less humans - but you’re okay with denigrating them based on their group identity?
Men do not exist in a vacuum and you’ve fallen in to the classic trap of blaming them for the society in which they find themselves.
men do not exist, humans who can birth and humans who cannot…you’re argument falls flat because “men” choose to be men, not just humans with masculine characteristics…
I’m all for abolishing gender, and I firmly believe that gender is a social construct, but that doesn’t mean gender is a choice (at least currently), nor does it mean that genders/men don’t exist.
Just because you and I feel that gender is useless to us (and arguably to society) doesn’t mean others have to feel the same way. Gender is oppressive, but it doesn’t have to be
What it means to be “a man” is not the same as all the toxic bullshit currently associated with being a man. Trans men should be allowed to identify as men without it also meaning that they’re bad people.
So every child is a man until they hit puberty, noted. And after menopause, every woman is automatically turned into a man.
Can we stop relating people’s identities to what’s happening between their legs?
here is a chicken, i give you man!
I cant afford stable housing for myself, so I cant afford a cat.
People usually want romantic partners to have a heart and a brain, and redhats and libertarians have neither.
libertarians have neither
I would say that an ideology based on non-violence, choice and responsibility, with those being impossible to delegate, is exactly about having a heart and a brain at least potentially, unlike the rest.
In any case people who, I think, could be interested in dating me (maybe they were so strongly hinting at something else, but being autistic and very shy and lacking willpower, I’ll never know) were of all kinds of political views. Some of those were even glad to hear about the libertarian kind of opinions. But importantly that wasn’t the subject of our interactions.
So don’t mix that American normalized intolerance with how women feel generally, please. Women are, ahem, as diverse as men.
libertarians have neither
I would say that an ideology based on non-violence, choice and responsibility, with those being impossible to delegate, is exactly about having a heart and a brain at least potentially, unlike the rest
Lol what. That’s not what libertarianism means in practice. In the real world it’s always “I don’t want to pay for other people, even if that means defunding the fire department so my house burns down”.
That’s not what libertarianism means in practice. In the real world it’s always “I don’t want to pay for other people, even if that means defunding the fire department so my house burns down”.
No, in the real world nothing is always what you’d want to claim.
…what?
Also have you read “a libertarian walks into a bear”?
…what?
Rephrasing for the slower types - you’re not an authority on what libertarianism is in the real world. I have my own experience to judge by.
Also have you read “a libertarian walks into a bear”?
No, I don’t even know what it is and I suspect nothing of value was lost.
It’s a book describing a real life attempt at libertarianism.
Ah. I’ve read of a legal process describing a real life attempt at anarcho-communism, ended with a few murders and the bosses of the settlement doing drugs trade.
So maybe it’s not at all about political ideologies, just about lacking people of proper qualifications in their experiment.
Am I lonley? hmm idk. I’m sure I could pay someone for some cuddle time. aside from that I’m pretty okay. Litteral cuddles you pervs.
Authoritarians are probably less likely to keep cats, either because they’re not obedient/useful or because keeping cats is coded as feminine and thus contemptible.
Couldn’t be more wrong. Authoritarians are often psychopaths, and cats (honestly) are kinda psychopathic animals, if very charming, invasive predators and all that. So like many of them love cats and hate dogs (dogs are too direct and chaotic).
And when I had authoritarian views (monarchist with hard limitations, kinda similar to paleo-libertarians if I think about it, but I didn’t have knowledge of such terms then ; it was really long ago and was a reaction at being autistic among not very nice people), I wanted to have a piece of territory covered in tall grass and bushes populated by cats, so.
Wild take.
Very wild take, but as a cat owner I have to agree woth him on the point that cats are psychopathic
How did the cat garden end up going?
Calling all cats psychopathic is like saying ‘all my exes are crazy’. It’s probably you, not them. Cats are very sensitive to body language, and like to have their boundaries respected as though they are 20x their size.
My cats bring me their favorite toy springs and meow at me until I accept their gift. They follow me everywhere I go, sleep by my side, and huddle up to me when I cry.
What you described was people liking cats as an ornament, not as a companion. Not to mention, dogs are far easier to train. Someone who enjoys authoritative control would likely prefer dogs over cats.
Cats are lessons in consent and authoritarians hate consent.
Yes I think the bare minimum for many of us is becoming “no conservatives.”
if every conservative woman hitched with every conservative man they would be 84% in a relationship.
but many conservative men are unpalatable even to conservative women
The last woman I dated before my current girlfriend was a conservative woman. I didn’t see any flags for it, she seemed really open minded, and was very well educated. Shame on me for being so blind I suppose.
She turned out to have a husband and a young son. I’m not entirely sure what to believe since cheaters will say a lot of things, but she apparently hated her marriage a lot. She wouldn’t leave due to her beliefs though.
She wouldn’t leave the marriage due to beliefs, but she would cheat, huh?
And she said all that to guilt trip me about her marriage, asking that I not leave and commit to being an affair partner.
It was really uncomfortable.
sounds like the conservative way.
The fact that she was cheating on her partner and lying to you is independent of the fact that she was conservative.
…but I’m also not saying there isn’t a significant overlap in that Venn diagram.
Maybe so, not like I needed another reason to stay away.
it’s almost like being conservative comes with almost inherent traits that make someone undesirable as a partner. lack of open mindedness, critical thinking, any form of emotional maturity…
there’s a reason many conservatives in dating apps hide their beliefs. they know its a red flag for many more things than their “politics”.
lack of open mindedness, critical thinking, any form of emotional maturity…
Wasting money on loud motorcycles and huge smoke-emitting trucks …
not only that but talking about trump non-stop, having his FLAG and other paraphenelia.
That was one of the weirdest things about one partner I had. He just had to bring up how his purchase of a donald trump shaped wine bottle topper wasn’t him being in the maga cult. Like, dude, why the fuck would you have purchased it in the first place if not?
he would be the “sucker and loser” to buy his scam phone.
unless they are rich, they are more likely stick with them if they have the moolah.
So many of them don’t want to date conservative women. Like you can have a bio that explicitly says “no thanks conservatives” and they still try to slide in. Or hide it.
